My Past: A letter to Wolfram
by Moonrosesa
Summary: During a mission Yuri goes missiittng leaving behind a letter written soon before he left May 28 2008. Wolfram goes trough his stuff and finds this letter written to him. Mention of Rape beatings,etc...


My Past: A Letter to Wolfram

From: Shibuya Yuri

Dear Wolfram von Bielefeld,

I am writing what I can't tell you in person, due to the shame that it has caused me over the years. Many would say that it's not my shame to carry because I couldn't do anything about it, yet it does not change the fact that I do feel it. Later in the letter I will explain why I feel this way.

Fear is another reason. I fear that you might think less of me if you knew what occurred. That fear is also the reason that I had a hard time accepting you as a boyfriend, let alone a fiancé. That will also be explained later in the letter.

Rejection of what I have become, of what I look like the man behind the mask that I carry throughout the day and, only slip when I sleep. You are the only one who has come close to seeing what's behind it, a child quivering in fear. Do you know what you would do if you really met the person face to face? Would you be disgusted? Would you feel pity, Sympathy? Or would you try to help the boy become the man you see when you look at me? I guess I will never find out because you are not supposed to read this letter until something happens to me. If you did read it before hand though, I would never be able to face you again.

Here's what happened. When I was ten years old I had been returning home from a baseball game when I saw one of my fathers associates walking as if lost, so I offered to show him where he needed to go, only that is not what happened. I had just given him directions and turned around to walk home when a white cloth was put to my mouth, after that I don't remember until I woke up in a cell chained to a wall, half-naked.

Looking at my surroundings I didn't recognize where I was being held. Looking up I spotted my kidnapper. He was standing in front of me outside the cell. He started talking when he saw me awake, looking at him. He introduced himself as Randy McDuff, a name I recognized due to the large corporation he owned in Tokyo, Japan. From him I learned that I was bait for what he wanted from my father. I had the feeling even if he got what he wanted he wouldn't let me go. I turned out t be right. My father gave him what he wanted within two months of my kidnapping, but I was not released. Things only got worse. I received regular beatings. As time wore on, he started raping me. That happened during my fourth month there. From there things went down hill. Now not only was I getting regular beatings, him raping me everyday, me only getting fed every three days, he went so far as to allow his guards to abuse and rape me as well.

This went on for two years. Two years of being chained to a wall, barely fed, or given anything to drink, and the only time I was released from that wall was when they took me to a bedroom, where he, Randy and his men took turns raping me. This of course was a daily occurrence.

I finally gained my freedom when I was twelve years old. Two years that felt like forever to me. The way I escaped was by tricking them into thinking that I couldn't move. It was a night that Randy brought me food. Walking in he left the cell door open wide and he had forgotten that he was supposed to chain me again when I was fed. Instead he set about taunting me and trying to convince me that it was my fault that I was there, that I had done something bad to deserve being there. When he talked I could tell that he was drunk of his butt and came looking for sexual gratification. When he turned around I was able to slip out of my lose chains, thanks to losing the weight due to not being fed regularly; and kick him from the back, making him hit the wall with his head, a wall made of brick, knocking him unconscious.

With him out cold, his guards were next. They came in running when he hit the brick wall. One of the guards that was guarding the cell at the same time, called the rest of guards to help him take me down. When I saw them, I felt a surge of power rise in me; it turned out to be my power over water. I was able to flood the place, and my dragons dragged me out the rest of the way.

Once outside, after I had managed to catch my breath, I knew that I was not far enough away from where he had kidnapped me. I had enough time to just look around to get my bearings and I was able to recognize that I was in a place that I had not visited since I was younger with my dad. There was an old playground that was destroyed now. I started thinking in a panic, but taking in a deep breath I was able to think a little clearer. In fact, I remembered a cave that I stumbled upon once that was not far from where I was standing. The cave was well hidden. It could only be seen if needed. I found that out later when I went back and couldn't find it again, when I was younger. I searched that night and the magic worked and the opening of a cave appeared. The cave must have felt my desperation. The cave was furnished with everything that I needed from food, clothing, and bedding. There was even a tub to fill in with the water that was sitting in buckets around the tub. The first thing that I did was fill the tub with water. The water for me was not hot enough though. The solution I found to that was the element of fire. I was for some reason able to summon the element of fire from with in me. What do you think Wolfram? I guess you are not the only one who is hot-headed because of the element you wield. When the water was heated and after my bath; I changed into clean clothes and ate a little food; I sandwich if I remember correctly. After that was time for bed. That night was the first of several I spent there hiding, waiting until I knew it safe to return home.

When I felt it safe to go home, or as what I remembered home to be, I packed everything where it was when I came in, thanked the cave and left. I ran all the way home and stood there a few minutes. When I finally found my resolve; I rang the doorbell and my mom opened the door. When she did, I believe that she almost had a heart attack, (a condition where your heart stops beating for a little while) that is after she overcame some of the shock. When she got a hold of herself she pulled me into the house and stood there crying and trying to ask questions. When she got a hold of herself again a little; she asked me where I have been, how I escaped, a lot of other things. I just told her half of what happened. I left out the part of the rape, she saw the beatings, and lack of nutrition. When I finally told her everything that she wanted to know; I asked if I was allowed to take a bath, which was all. I didn't ask for food because I learned to block out the hunger during my two year imprisonment. Even the few days that I could eat regular meals; my system had trouble accepting the food so I still ate very little.

When my father came from work and my brother from college, I was treated the same way, shock, heart attack, getting them selves together, asking questions that don't make sense, and then relief that I was finally home. Mom retold them what I told her. I just took my self off to my old room to lie down; at some point I fell asleep. I felt safe the first time in two long years. The authorities were called and were notified that I had returned home alive and in one piece.

After that happened, I quit playing baseball, and all other sports that I was involved in. I did lie to Conrad though when I said that I quit because I was benched during the playing season. I couldn't very well tell him that I was kidnapped and raped coming home from a baseball game. You may not believe me Wolfram but you gave me the courage to play baseball, and be outside again, as well as to live my life again unafraid, and finally to laugh, to laugh about the pain I went through, the pleasure that I have known, such as adopting Greta, and your family accepting me as their king and ruler, friend and confidant. I thank you for that. Now your family is my family now and forever.

After that experience I became afraid of males in general. I started getting used to males a year later, just a little though. My father, brother, and Murata were the only males I could be around and not flinch, and/ or shy away from. You and Conrad were the other two. Gwendal von Voltaire is still a touchy subject for me, but I am ok in his presence.

Wolfram that brings me to the end of this letter, one more thing I want to mention is I may not look it but I do keep secrets from everyone. One of the biggest ones is that as Maoh, I hold a contract and bond with all four elements, Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. The power that holds all those powers together is called luminance.

That experience has changed me. You say that I trust easily, which I do, but if you break that trust, you may never get it back with a few expectation. That man took a lot from me, and for that I hope he rots in hell. He is also the reason why it's so hard for me to be in a relationship with you. If you could have gotten over my reluctance when I was there; then we might have had a chance but it would have been a long and hard journey. We might still have a chance and the only way to grab it would be if you get ahold of me and this letter before my death. Also, I know you deserve someone who is whole and doesn't carry the baggage that I do; however if you still want then I want to give us a chance. I know it might be late and I will accept that if its case. If not, and you accept me and my burdens as well as how slow you will have to go until we are considered an item then thank you from the bottom of my heart and I will try with everything in me to get over this hurdle with you to help me.

I have said over and over again that I am not gay, I do mean it but not in the way you think. Being gay implies to me that I love men in general which is not possible due to my history and even without it, homosexuality doesn't bother me. I do love you and at first that scared me because of my past but not anymore. I have overcome a lot of it yet still a lot of it remains. This however does not mean that I don't or will not love you but simply that I went through something bad that will stick with me over the years and I am work on sorting out. I also want you to know that I will always love you from afar because you don't deserve to be burdened with something like my past; or from close up if you give us a chance and are willing to work with my wimpy personality of taking to long to figure things out and get over them.

So Wolfram, in closing I am tainted with shame and bitterness from my past, therefore I don't deserve you even though I do love you. I am not gay, or homosexual as the case may be, I am just in love with one guy and love only one guy, you Wolfram.

While I couldn't tell you this face to face, I hope that you understand and can forgive me my past actions towards your person. Also if it turns out that I come back in one piece please don't hold my actions against me. No matter what happens. I will always love you and I will always be there when you need me. Just call out with your heart, the heart that loves me, just as mine screams I love you.

Sinserly Yours: 27th Demon King of Mazoku, Shibuya Yuri Huguka Furi. Shibuya Yūri Harajuku Fūri


End file.
